Spider Monkey's Wellness Thread

[Spider Monkey]

I know most of you are fat fucks that are trying to die but in this thread I will reveal the stone cold truth about how you are being successful suicide missions. Maybe it will open some eyes, and maybe it will help some of you die even faster. Either way, I don't give a shit. I've just finally decided to start sharing the information that comes across my desk every day with you lousy bastards that 3-4 people on this forum preach about every day of their lives.

Enjoy-

[pl8er]

:coolstory:

[J31Bro]

Waiting..

[Spider Monkey]

In today's installment, we will call out all of you uneducated retards that think you're eating healthy, but in reality, just lazy maggots.

In today's world, filled with 'convenience foods' of all sorts, it's harder than ever to keep your weight under control. In the decades since processed foods took over the market place, people have strayed further and further away from fresh whole foods, and this, I believe, is the main crux of the problem. So let's take a look at what the typical American is eating. According to the US Department of Agriculture (USDA), the top nine foods eaten by Americans are:

Whole cow's milk
White bread
Refined sugar
2 percent milk
White flour
Soda, primarily colas
Processed American cheese
White rolls
Ground beef

Is it any wonder why we are having health problems when SO MANY are eating foods that are not designed to keep them healthy? This list does not order the foods in any particular order, but soda is the number one source of calories in the US. Once you know that fructose and other sugars, along with refined grains, are the primary culprits behind the obesity epidemic, it's really no wonder that over 2/3 of all American adults are now overweight or obese…



Fuck you people. You're costing me money.


To be continued...

[pl8er]

Whole cow's milk (skim)
White bread (wheat bread...as in actual whole wheat bread not the one that says "wheat"
Refined sugar (Sometimes)
2 percent milk (skim, again)
White flour (have no idea, but mostly that comes from the bread which I do not consume)
Soda, primarily colas (no cola, sprite mixed with lemonade if anything)
Processed American cheese (not sure, most likely some of this)
White rolls (wtf is a white roll? LOL)
Ground beef (ground turkey)

[Spider Monkey]

Whole cow's milk (skim)
White bread (wheat bread...as in actual whole wheat bread not the one that says "wheat"
Refined sugar (Sometimes)
2 percent milk (skim, again)
White flour (have no idea, but mostly that comes from the bread which I do not consume)
Soda, primarily colas (no cola, sprite mixed with lemonade if anything)
Processed American cheese (not sure, most likely some of this)
White rolls (wtf is a white roll? LOL)
Ground beef (ground turkey)

:coolstory:

Alright. Now shut the fuck up and let people get educated. You're one of the 3-4 people I mentioned in the first post. Junior is gonna beat your ass retarded if you fuck around in this section of the forum.

[pl8er]

:(

ok

[Captain Ahab]

Whole cow's milk (skim)
White bread (wheat bread...as in actual whole wheat bread not the one that says "wheat")
Refined sugar (Rarely)
2 percent milk (skim, again)
White flour (don't use flour)
Soda, primarily colas (diet stuff for me)
Processed American cheese (all cheese)
White rolls (Rarely)
Ground beef (Ground venison)

[wishuponansg]

Eat terrible foods but not obese checking in.

[Captain Ahab]

eat great foods and obese checkin' in

[junior]

Alright. Now shut the fuck up and let people get educated. You're one of the 3-4 people I mentioned in the first post. Junior is gonna beat your ass retarded if you fuck around in this section of the forum.

:hi5:

Exactly! You straighten these lazy asses out SM. They don't seem to listen to what I have to say. Especially after I messed up on the placings in the transformation contest.

[wishuponansg]

:hilarious:

[Captain Ahab]

Especially after I messed up on the placings and didn't put the stout bellied hillbilly piglet contestant who thinks he can hold his weight well in the top 3 of the contest.
fixed

[J31Bro]

Eat terrible foods but not obese checking in.

.

[tappin_azz]

i eat whatever i want, and im not a fat fuck.

also, if you dont drink whole milk, then fuck you!

[jip]

I support this thread.

[Spider Monkey]

:hi5:

Exactly! You straighten these lazy asses out SM. They don't seem to listen to what I have to say. Especially after I messed up on the placings in the transformation contest.

This was a teaser. They are gonna be shocked to shit when I start dropping mad knowledge. I thought Pl8 would be more on board though. :crap:

[Spider Monkey]

.

Bro, you're 20 years old. This about life.

[Captain Ahab]

also, if you dont drink whole milk, then fuck you!

You mean people actually like the taste of whole white milk?

Never have been able to drink that shit. I still only use skim for cooking/coffee/protein shakes.

[tapout]

3-4 people on this forum preach about every day of their lives.

Enjoy-

IN

[tapout]

Still concerned though. SM contributing?

Sort of interested.

[jip]

also, if you dont drink whole milk, then fuck you!

this is true

[Captain Ahab]

Spider Monkey's secret to wellness = alcohol

[wishuponansg]

I'll more than likely still stick with whole milk for bulking though. Weight gainer of the gods.

[Spider Monkey]

INCorrect

Still concerned though. SM contributing?

Sort of interested.shhhhh.

Spider Monkey's secret to wellness = alcohol

CA's secret wellness = fat women.

Which one is more deadly? Serious question bro.

[Captain Ahab]

CA's secret wellness = fat women.

Which one is more deadly? Serious question bro.

If you get a fat woman pregnant...I'd have to go with that...

Alcohol makes you fat as I am living proof of, but those pounds are easily shed.

And fat women can have STDs and suck in bed. Alcohol just kills your liver and is way more fun.

[Spider Monkey]

If you get a fat woman pregnant...I'd have to go with that...

Alcohol makes you fat as I am living proof of, but those pounds are easily shed.

And fat women can have STDs and suck in bed. Alcohol just kills your liver and is way more fun.

Okay

[junior]

This was a teaser. They are gonna be shocked to shit when I start dropping mad knowledge. I thought Pl8 would be more on board though. :crap:

Get these fatties learnt, bro. And don't worry about pl8er, it's just that time of the month for him.

Still concerned though. SM contributing?

Sort of interested.

Maybe he's taking a run at the best troll of 2011 award. :wat:

[Spider Monkey]

Maybe he's taking a run at the best troll of 2011 award. :wat:

I have never trolled a day in my life bro. This is srs bzns.

[junior]

I have never trolled a day in my life bro. This is srs bzns.

Srs as a heart attack.

[bluecar]

Whole milk is how I get my fats.

[atoz350]

Whole cow's milk (None. I'm lactose intolerant)
White bread (Minimum 7 grain wheat bread only)
Refined sugar (No beet sugar in my household. Pure cane imported)
2 percent milk (None. See above)
White flour (I used to use this mixed with cornmeal as breading for oven-fried chicken. Now I crush saltines)
Soda, primarily colas (No soda)
Processed American cheese (My wife imports cheese. Dunno where she gets it from)
White rolls (Bread as a filler fucking sucks)
Ground beef (Guilty sometimes)


Oh, and pl8er, a white roll is RB.

[wishuponansg]

Ramen noodles are healthy right?

[MR.Crunk]

i hate milk :fyi:

[MR.Crunk]

and milk hates me, last time i had some i was wearing shorts and no underwear and i shit all down my leg and ended up taking a shower in my moms front yard.

[evildave101]

i hate milk :fyi:

dont drink milk crew...

[MR.Crunk]

Whole cow's milk no milk
White bread sometimes but i like wheat better.
Refined sugar im sure
2 percent milk no milk
White flour yep
Soda, primarily colas Usually have a mountain dew on weekdays. dont drink soda at restaurants because they charge $1.80 - $2.80
Processed American cheese guilty
White rolls had some today, but usually once or twice a month
Ground beef 3-4 times a month


:fyi:

[Z-28]

Only ones fat on this forum are Lisa and RB

[Porch Monkey]

also DeMan and my cock

[Z-28]

and dont forget RB, did i say that already?

[Derrick824]

Last time I drank milk I threw up blood.

[ngsm13]

Meh.

[bluecar]

There is no difference between a steak and ground beef. I used to work in a grocery store and saw how they rolled.

[mauii]

Whole cow's milk (Disgusting, I only do skim)
White bread (Mostly wheat, but I eat white more than I should)
Refined sugar (Couple times per week, more than I should)
2 percent milk (Also gross, I only do skim)
White flour (I hardly cook with flour)
Soda, primarily colas (more than I should, maybe 3-4 per week)
Processed American cheese (Guilty)
White rolls (Guilty, 2x per week)
Ground beef (Guilty, but I always buy lean ground beef)

Im not fat though.

[jip]

Whole cow's milk (Disgusting, I only do skim)
White bread (Mostly wheat, but I eat white more than I should)
Refined sugar (Couple times per week, more than I should)
2 percent milk (Also gross, I only do skim)
White flour (I hardly cook with flour)
Soda, primarily colas (more than I should, maybe 3-4 per week)
Processed American cheese (Guilty)
White rolls (Guilty, 2x per week)
Ground beef (Guilty, but I always buy lean ground beef)

Im not fat though.

Bro, you're 20 years old. This about life.

.

[mauii]

.
Yea, but I need to change soon. Or once that youthful metabolism goes away its omgadultdiabeeetus.

[Captain Ahab]

Too many people turned their heads to look at me while I mowed my yard today. :emo:

[atoz350]

Too many people turned their heads to look at me while I mowed my yard today. :emo:

They were waiting for the Camaro to pop out of the lawn.

[slim8605]

Eat terrible foods but not obese checking in.

.

eat great foods and obese checkin' in

Lul'd

[Spider Monkey]

Good morning maggots and faggots.

Did you know that eating an extra 100 calories a day can add up to about a 10 pound weight gain in one year? Be mindful of the extras you may eat each day to help prevent this extra 10 pounds from creeping up on you. If an extra 100 calories consumed each day can add weight, then an extra 100 calories burned each day can help you lose about 10 pounds per year as well. Be mindful of ways to help increase physical activity each day.

Here are some examples of what 100 calories looks like:
- 10 Large jelly beans
- 1/2 of a small fry
- 2 McDonald's Chicken Nuggets
- 10 Almonds
- 2 tsp butter
- 3 Hershey's Kisses

Here are some examples on what it takes to burn those 100 calories:
- Walk 1 mile at a moderate pace
- Run (5 mph) for 10 minutes
- Dance (fast 15 minutes, slow 25 minutes)
- Mowing the grass (push mower) 15 minutes
- Power walk for 20 minutes
- Low-impact aerobics 20 minutes


So after you eat that handful of jelly beans, go mow your fucking lawn instead of grabbing the remote.

See ya next week.

[Randy Savage]

Whole cow's milk (None, max 8oz of skim milk 1-2x/week)
White bread (Whole wheat bread only, max 4pcs/week)
Refined sugar (None nga)
2 percent milk (Skim milk)
White flour (Very little, if any)
Soda, primarily colas (Maybe 1-2 8oz cups/week)
Processed American cheese (2 slices fresh American/day)
White rolls (None)
Ground beef (97/3 ground lean turkey hurr)

[Spider Monkey]

Whole cow's milk (None, max 8oz of skim milk 1-2x/week)
White bread (Whole wheat bread only, max 4pcs/week)
Refined sugar (None nga)
2 percent milk (Skim milk)
White flour (Very little, if any)
Soda, primarily colas (Maybe 1-2 8oz cups/week)
Processed American cheese (2 slices fresh American/day)
White rolls (None)
Ground beef (97/3 ground lean turkey hurr)

The fuck is fresh American cheese bro?

[Randy Savage]

The fuck is fresh American cheese bro?

Not processed? What else should I call it? I meant cheese purchased at the deli, not in a pre-sliced package. I dunno what else to call it lol

[Spider Monkey]

Not processed? What else should I call it? I meant cheese purchased at the deli, not in a pre-sliced package. I dunno what else to call it lol

Bro, as far as I know, American cheese is processed by definition. You're eating something else entirely me thinks. I've never seen American cheese that didn't come in plastic. :wat:

[Randy Savage]

Bro, as far as I know, American cheese is processed by definition. You're eating something else entirely me thinks. I've never seen American cheese that didn't come in plastic. :wat:

Yeah it's processed I guess- I was just trying to differentiate between pre-packaged American cheese (ala Kraft) and sliced American from a deli.

If that's the worst thing I'm eating though, my fat ass will take it.

[wishuponansg]

Can't eat Kraft singles. Fucking nasty. I do eat sargento and the like though, which I'm sure is just as processed.

[Hagabro]

kraft american is not very good. They make the deli deluxe american which is much much better but that shit is $$$$.

Dear spider monket,

I would like to increase the distance I can blow my load. Any suggestions to up the PSI of my pecker?

[97gp]

Find a woman to actually touch it

[Porch Monkey]

sharp cheddar, pepperjack, swiss, or bust bitches

[toasted1]

‪Jimmy Dean Sausage Complaint call‬‏ - YouTube

[Spider Monkey]

Dear spider monket,

I would like to increase the distance I can blow my load. Any suggestions to up the PSI of my pecker?

Would you like me to make a porn DIY thread?

[Porch Monkey]

please do

[IamDeMan]

Monkey trollin ITT

[Captain Ahab]

Can't eat Kraft singles. Fucking nasty. I do eat sargento and the like though, which I'm sure is just as processed.

Sargento crew checkin' in!

[Spider Monkey]

Monkey trollin ITT

This thread is for you bro.

[IamDeMan]

This thread is for you bro.

Not possible. Such threads simply do not exist as I do not need any answers bro.

[Spider Monkey]

Not possible. Such threads simply do not exist as I do not need any answers bro.

You don't need to ask questions to get dedicated threads bro.

[Porch Monkey]

they were rhetorical

[soraiden]

In for wanting to learn wellness spoken from SM crew checking in.

[IamDeMan]

You don't need to ask questions to get dedicated threads bro.

Having threads implies one need guidance on something, I'm good. Got it all sorted monkey boy.

[Spider Monkey]

Having threads implies one need guidance on something, I'm good. Got it all sorted monkey boy.

Aight bro. I'll worry about the others then from here on out.

[Z-28]

What is the point of this thread. I just ate three cheeseburgers, and I still don't get this thread.




I do have a tummy ache though :crap:

[Spider Monkey]

What is the point of this thread. I just ate three cheeseburgers, and I still don't get this thread.




I do have a tummy ache though :crap:

This thread isn't for you bro.

[Z-28]

I beent left out :crap: and my tummy hurts something fierce.

[IamDeMan]

Aight bro. I'll worry about the others then from here on out.

Funniest fucking thing you have ever fucking lied about!!! :lol:

[Spider Monkey]

Funniest fucking thing you have ever fucking lied about!!! :lol:

I'm a people person bro. :wat:

[Spider Monkey]

Don't let stores such as Whole Foods and the like, fool you. That 'special' poultry you've been told to buy because it is better for you and your family, is more likely to cause additional harm than any good.

Organic: “Not everything it’s cracked up to be.” This label merely states that the chicken’s food sources are free of harmful chemicals. It does not clarify how the chickens were raised, or if they had access to a pasture or not. Trendy, but not relevant.

Vegetarian-Fed: “Dumb cluck.” Since most people think grains should comprise the majority of the chicken’s diet, a vegetarianfed chicken seems appealing. The truth of the matter is that chickens need protein from grubs and bugs, as well as fresh greens and seeds. “Vegetarian-fed” is another designer term, and guarantees that the chickens do not have access to the pasture, where it would be virtually impossible to keep them from eating grubs.


Cage-Free: “Ruffle your feathers.” I was a bit annoyed when I found out the real meaning of this marketing label. It insinuates that the chickens are free to roam, and are not confined to the dismal living conditions of a cage. In reality, the chickens may not be caged, but are usually confined to dark barns they can never leave. At best, they have access to fenced bare dirt or cement yards stripped of all plants and potential nourishment. That yard access, however, is usually designated by the term “free-range.”

Are you eating sickly chicken?

[Randy Savage]

There's a farm around here that free ranges chicken, supposubly (RB) they let you pick your own chicken out. I wouldn't be able to do that.

[Spider Monkey]

There's a farm around here that free ranges chicken, supposubly (RB) they let you pick your own chicken out. I wouldn't be able to do that.

Yea, but most likely, they are raised in a barn and only get to 'free range' when the public comes out to slaughter them.

[Randy Savage]

Yea, but most likely, they are raised in a barn and only get to 'free range' when the public comes out to slaughter them.

Word

[97gp]

Yea, but most likely, they are raised in a barn and only get to 'free range' when the public comes out to slaughter them.

Probably not, unless their chickens are for tyson, perdue, other big chicken company

[wishuponansg]

Don't let stores such as Whole Foods and the like, fool you. That 'special' poultry you've been told to buy because it is better for you and your family, is more likely to cause additional harm than any good.

Organic: “Not everything it’s cracked up to be.” This label merely states that the chicken’s food sources are free of harmful chemicals. It does not clarify how the chickens were raised, or if they had access to a pasture or not. Trendy, but not relevant.

Vegetarian-Fed: “Dumb cluck.” Since most people think grains should comprise the majority of the chicken’s diet, a vegetarianfed chicken seems appealing. The truth of the matter is that chickens need protein from grubs and bugs, as well as fresh greens and seeds. “Vegetarian-fed” is another designer term, and guarantees that the chickens do not have access to the pasture, where it would be virtually impossible to keep them from eating grubs.


Cage-Free: “Ruffle your feathers.” I was a bit annoyed when I found out the real meaning of this marketing label. It insinuates that the chickens are free to roam, and are not confined to the dismal living conditions of a cage. In reality, the chickens may not be caged, but are usually confined to dark barns they can never leave. At best, they have access to fenced bare dirt or cement yards stripped of all plants and potential nourishment. That yard access, however, is usually designated by the term “free-range.”

Are you eating sickly chicken?


What should I look for when buying chicken?

[97gp]

What should I look for when buying chicken?

A local farm

[Spider Monkey]

What should I look for when buying chicken?

The word FOSTERS.

[Porch Monkey]

bitter beer face

[Z-28]

That post about chicken is actually quite helpful to me as i love chicken. Will remember next time I buy more poultry.

[wishuponansg]

Will definitely keep in mind when grocery shopping.

[Spider Monkey]

That post about chicken is actually quite helpful to me as i love chicken. Will remember next time I buy more poultry.

I'm here to help bro.

[Porch Monkey]

Will definitely keep in mind when grocery shopping.
ramos can get you a mad deal on bags bro

[bluecar]

Guess I need to grow my own chickens

[bluecar]

fwiw, I pass by a chicken farm/coop thing every day.

[Porch Monkey]

smells amazing doesn't it

[Spider Monkey]

fwiw, I pass by a chicken farm/coop thing every day.

Grab dinner next time.

[97gp]

fwiw, I pass by a chicken farm/coop thing every day.

Get some eggs

[Spider Monkey]

Alright fatasses, put down those soda cans.

Limit Sugar Sweetened Beverages

Colas and regular soft drinks, sweetened ice tea, lemonade, etc. have no nutritional benefit and often times don't quench your thirst. As an alternative, try ice water with a handful of frozen or fresh fruit. Or place a piece of cut up fruit in each compartment in the ice cube tray, fill with water and freeze. The next time you get a glass of water use fruit infused ice cubes. Top it off with a sprig of mint leaves.

Try these great fruit combos:

•Pineapple and Mango
•Strawberry and Kiwi
•Lemon, Orange, and Lime
•Peach and Pineapple
•Papaya, Mango, and Pineapple
•Or make your own creation!


Bad ass idea is underlined.

[Porch Monkey]

that won't taste very good with my burgers bro

[Spider Monkey]

that won't taste very good with my burgers bro

Why do you put ice cubes on your burgers.

[Porch Monkey]

all in one meal bro

[jip]

Soda is poison. Listen to the monkey wisdom ITT.

[Porch Monkey]

might do the fruit cubes with crystal light

[jip]

I add pure lime juice to my water .. makes it easy to ensure that I stay hydrated.

Drinking copious amounts of water is an oft-ignored requirement for losing weight and staying healthy.

[Porch Monkey]

gotta keep my potassium level up

[Spider Monkey]

Soda is poison. Listen to the monkey wisdom ITT.Cans full of drugs. Fact.

I add pure lime juice to my water .. makes it easy to ensure that I stay hydrated.

Drinking copious amounts of water is an oft-ignored requirement for losing weight and staying healthy.

A add a lemon slice. Lemons are herra good for the body mayne.

[jip]

Cans full of drugs. Fact.

I'm sayin'!!

A add a lemon slice. Lemons are herra good for the body mayne.

... and lemon-lime is a fantastic flavour combination. Good call brosuf.

[Porch Monkey]

I now want some Sprite.

[Spider Monkey]

:facepalm:

[Captain Ahab]

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQF5NZDBBUb3Rh2I7r2CEONG2WYDeJ6HbLcse9Mr_TRh05cbYcLiQ

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRMQ1FnBGApnDjGH0d62K2AfqJgxIvpLBfWwluqW8k1Vm2giw6O


FTMFW!

[Captain Ahab]

Oh. And the Marriott we stayed at in Portland had large jugs of ice water in every lobby that they filled with a different fruit each day. Never had saw that before and it was surprisingly nomz.

My favorite was probably the strawberry water. The orange got pretty strong once we emptied it to near the bottom. lol.

[Porch Monkey]

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRMQ1FnBGApnDjGH0d62K2AfqJgxIvpLBfWwluqW8k1Vm2giw6O


FTMFW!:hi5:

I drink the shit out of that and the fruit punch mix!

[Captain Ahab]

http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/04/90/00/05/0004900005072_180X180.jpg http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/04/90/00/05/0004900005071_180X180.jpg
http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/04/90/00/05/0004900005070_180X180.jpg
http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/04/90/00/05/0004900005437_180X180.jpg
http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/04/90/00/05/0004900005436_180X180.jpg



^^^^^^^

Also is the shit! Only like .80 for 32oz at most large stores too.

[wishuponansg]

Alright fatasses, put down those soda cans.

Limit Sugar Sweetened Beverages

Colas and regular soft drinks, sweetened ice tea, lemonade, etc. have no nutritional benefit and often times don't quench your thirst. As an alternative, try ice water with a handful of frozen or fresh fruit. Or place a piece of cut up fruit in each compartment in the ice cube tray, fill with water and freeze. The next time you get a glass of water use fruit infused ice cubes. Top it off with a sprig of mint leaves.

Try these great fruit combos:

•Pineapple and Mango
•Strawberry and Kiwi
•Lemon, Orange, and Lime
•Peach and Pineapple
•Papaya, Mango, and Pineapple
•Or make your own creation!


Bad ass idea is underlined.

I'm assuming coffee goes on this list as well?

[atoz350]

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call
Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it
has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were
Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course,
Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid
form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for
use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour
himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it
gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good
old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the
name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day:
There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there
should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections
and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

[Spider Monkey]

Thought for the day:
There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there
should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections
and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

I like this.

[Spider Monkey]

Substitute Mushrooms for Meat

Use mushrooms as a way to replace meat and decrease fat intake. Saute chopped up mushrooms and onions in a skillet. If a recipe calls for one pound of ground meat, use 1/2 ground meat and substitute the rest with the sautéed mushroom and onion mixture. Or try making burgers with 1/2 meat and 1/2 mushroom mixture. Season the mushrooms with herbs and spices for additional flavor. It is a great way to cut down on fat and help spice up your meals.

Watch the fat fall out of the bottom of your pants bros.

[Porch Monkey]

love me some srooms

[bluecar]

I like sundrop.

[Captain Ahab]

I <3 mushrooms.

[soraiden]

Nom noms.

[97gp]

I'm assuming coffee goes on this list as well?

If you put girly things like sugar and cream in it

[_AnGeL_]

hallucinogenic shrooms?

[Porch Monkey]

hallucinogenic shrooms?
Psychedelic Brady - YouTube

[wishuponansg]

If you put girly things like sugar and cream in it

Trollin' up the wrong tree, bro.






Thought I'd keep it healthy and have a brat for lunch.

[Porch Monkey]

was it a young brat?

[wishuponansg]

The youngest I could find. Had to hit up the homie SL to find her.

[97gp]

Trollin' up the wrong tree, bro.






Thought I'd keep it healthy and have a brat for lunch.

Wheres the troll faggot?

[IamDeMan]

Do not drink pop.

[Porch Monkey]

he's under the bridge

[wishuponansg]

Wheres the troll faggot?

He's in your house, bro. Probably smoking your weed.

[dcmcki]

I like sundrop.

I got hooked on this shit while visiting our home office in NC. Now they sell it Wally World here in Texas.

[Spider Monkey]

Save Money on Your Next Medical Procedure
Patients could pay as much as 683% more for the same medical procedure, in the same town, depending on which doctor they choose, according to a recent study. This means you could save up to hundreds of dollars on your next MRI or CT scan, depending on which doctor you visit.

You may have never considered “shopping around” for health care before, but there are advantages - just like any other service or product you buy. Particularly for bigger, non-emergency procedures and treatments, doing some research could save you serious cash.

Wondering how to get started? Unfortunately, medical care prices are not as easy to obtain as most other services, but there is reliable data available. You can start by calling each doctor office or hospital in your area and asking the cost for your procedure. In addition, these websites offer medical cost information that can be helpful in making the best choice:
• http://i.usatoday.net/money/_pdfs/110630-costs.pdf
• www.healthgrades.com
• www.newchoicehealth.com

[Spider Monkey]

Switch It Up Bros!
When you do the same exercise over and over, your body adjusts to it. To continue to benefit from your exercise routine, switch it up every 4-6 weeks. For example if you walk daily, try adding an incline or bumping up the speed for a few minutes-do a little interval training. The goal is to confuse your muscles so they don't know what to expect at the workout. As for strength, doing several different resistance exercises such as Yoga, Pilates, weights or bands helps to continuously challenge (confuse) your muscles through a variety of different exercise methods.

[TXC]

I'm hungry.

[SAD]

I'm hungry.

I just ate some Jalapeno sausage rolls I bought from a donut shop.

Now going to have a glazed donut for dessert.

[TXC]

I just ate some Jalapeno sausage rolls I bought from a donut shop.

Now going to have a glazed donut for dessert.

That sounds soooo delicious! The only thing that would make it better is listening to Neil Young whilst doing so. Probably going to get some cereal now. :D

[Porch Monkey]

anything is better than listening to Neil Young

[Spider Monkey]

Have High Cholesterol Bros (Not the AIDS Cholesterol)? Consider a Little TLC

Do you have high cholesterol? Then consider giving yourself a little TLC (Therapeutic Lifestyle Changes). TLC includes three areas of focus to help you decrease your LDL cholesterol-Diet, Weight Management and Physical Activity.

TLC Diet - consists of a low-saturated fat and low cholesterol diet with no more than 7% of calories coming from saturated fat and less than 200 mg of cholesterol daily.

Weight Management - Lose weight if you are overweight. A good first goal to set is looking at losing 10% of your current body weight.

Physical Activity - shoot for at least 30 minutes of physical activity on most days of the week.

[bluecar]

That would suck to lose 10% more body weight.

[Spider Monkey]

That would suck to lose 10% more body weight.

You aren't overweight.

[SAD]

I will never be overweight.

[Captain Ahab]

Going by the BMI index, I am overweight. :mullet:

[HHRLisa]

Going by the BMI index, I am overweight. :mullet:

Because you are.

[Captain Ahab]

Because you are.

What does that make you, Hippo status?

[_AnGeL_]

overweight crew checking in.

[HHRLisa]

What does that make you, Hippo status?

Never said I wasn't fat. I'm obese by everyones standards bmis included.

[SAD]

overweight crew checking in.

You're sessy tho.

[IamDeMan]

Substitute Mushrooms for Meat

Use mushrooms as a way to replace meat and decrease fat intake. Saute chopped up mushrooms and onions in a skillet. If a recipe calls for one pound of ground meat, use 1/2 ground meat and substitute the rest with the sautéed mushroom and onion mixture. Or try making burgers with 1/2 meat and 1/2 mushroom mixture. Season the mushrooms with herbs and spices for additional flavor. It is a great way to cut down on fat and help spice up your meals.

Watch the fat fall out of the bottom of your pants bros.

When mushrooms come in a juicy porterhouse variety, I will be all over this.

[90lac]

according to the bmi im like 28.5 overwieght

[Spider Monkey]

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month - Are you Breast Self Aware?

1.Know Your Risk
- Talk to your family to learn about your family health history
- Talk to your doctor about your personal risk of breast cancer

2.Get Screened
- Ask your doctor which screening tests are right for you if you are at a higher risk
- Have a mammogram every year starting at age 40 if you are at average risk
- Have a clinical breast exam at least every 3 years starting at age 20, and every year starting at 40

3.Know What is Normal for You
- See your health care provider right away if you notice any of these breast changes:
■Lump, hard knot or thickening
■Swelling, Warmth, redness or darkening
■Change in the size or shape of the breast
■Dimpling or puckering of the skin
■Itchy, scaly, sore or rash on the nipple
■Pulling in of your nipple or other parts
■Nipple discharge that starts suddenly
■New pain in one spot that does not go away

4.Make Healthy Lifestyle Choices
- Maintain a healthy weight
- Add exercise into your routine
- Limit alcohol intake

[jip]

Limit alcohol intake

:lol:

Fuck. You.

[Spider Monkey]

:lol:

Fuck. You.

IMSAYIN! :hilarious:

[jip]

This comic summarizes our friendship:

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Dave/trophy1.png

[Spider Monkey]

This comic summarizes our friendship:

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Dave/trophy1.png

FUCKIN LULZ! HAHAHOHOHEHEHAHAHAHA!™




I really thought they were going to drink beer out if it in the end.

[jip]

I really thought they were going to drink beer out if it in the end.

HA! That would have been better.

[TXC]

:gay:

[wishuponansg]

This comic summarizes our friendship:

:atm:

FTFY

[jip]

Going by the BMI index, I am overweight. :mullet:

It says the same thing about me. It is wrong.

Because you are.

You are also wrong.

FTFY

:umad2:

[IamDeMan]

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month - Are you Breast Self Aware?

1.Know Your Risk
- Talk to your family to learn about your family health history
- Talk to your doctor about your personal risk of breast cancer

2.Get Screened
- Ask your doctor which screening tests are right for you if you are at a higher risk
- Have a mammogram every year starting at age 40 if you are at average risk
- Have a clinical breast exam at least every 3 years starting at age 20, and every year starting at 40

3.Know What is Normal for You
- See your health care provider right away if you notice any of these breast changes:
■Lump, hard knot or thickening
■Swelling, Warmth, redness or darkening
■Change in the size or shape of the breast
■Dimpling or puckering of the skin
■Itchy, scaly, sore or rash on the nipple
■Pulling in of your nipple or other parts
■Nipple discharge that starts suddenly
■New pain in one spot that does not go away

4.Make Healthy Lifestyle Choices
- Maintain a healthy weight
- Add exercise into your routine
- Limit alcohol intake

I am aware of every breast out there bro.

[jip]

I am aware of every breast out there bro.

It is important to stay abreast of these important details.

[evildave101]

werd - i examine the breasts on the daily...

[jip]

:hi5:

[UCP]

Yo bro, tell me something good about beer.

[Jamesypoo]

Tell my bro some good shit about beer.

[Spider Monkey]

Yo bro, tell me something good about beer.

Will consider for this Wednesday.

[Spider Monkey]

Sorry I'm late this week. DeMan, as requested, this one is just for you!



Beer: the next health drink?

Sometimes, beer loves us back too: Studies have suggested that, when consumed in moderation, beer has many health benefits.

For instance, moderate amounts of alcohol may be good for the heart. An Emory University study involving over 2,200 elderly men and women discovered that those who consumed at least 1.5 drinks daily had up to a 50% lesser risk of suffering from heart failure. Another study conducted by Germany, France and the United Kingdom found that moderate consumption of beer or wine may have anti-inflammatory properties, which can lower the risk coronary heart disease. The French, who drink lots of red wine and have the highest per capita alcohol consumption, actually have one of the lowest rates of coronary heart disease mortality.

Beer can also be good for your brain. Using an MRI, a Boston scientist discovered that light drinkers (one to six drinks a week) to moderate drinkers (seven to 14 drinks a week) have fewer strokes than nondrinkers -- probably because of alcohol's effect in thinning the blood and preventing the formation of tiny blood clots in the brain. Note, however, that although heavy drinkers (more than 15 drinks a week) have the least amount of strokes, they also suffer the most atrophy or wasting of brain tissues.

Moderate amounts of alcohol can also help reduce stress, decrease anxiety and self-consciousness, and improve your mood. Beer in particular has plenty of nutrients, such as protein, B vitamins, phosphorus, magnesium, selenium, iron, niacin, and riboflavin.

[Captain Ahab]

Can we just drink 10.5 drinks in one day on the weekend and be fine? That averages out to 1.5 drinks a day.

[Spider Monkey]

Can we just drink 10.5 drinks in one day on the weekend and be fine? That averages out to 1.5 drinks a day.

:wat: I stick to 10.5 err day of the week just to make sure I'm super healthy.

[SAD]

:wat: I stick to 10.5 err day of the week just to make sure I'm super healthy.

:hi5:

I'll join you in this practice. Don't want to risk my health.

[Spider Monkey]

:hi5:

I'll join you in this practice. Don't want to risk my health.

:azn: You even get a head start on me errday.

[SAD]

:azn: You even get a head start on me errday.

I start at 4:45 a.m. central time... :drunk:

You could conceivably still be working on 'yesterday' whilst I get started on 'today'.

[Spider Monkey]

I start at 4:45 a.m. central time... :drunk:

You could conceivably still be working on 'yesterday' whilst I get started on 'today'.

I'm passed out WAY before that bro. I don't fuck around. ;)

[SAD]

I'm passed out WAY before that bro. I don't fuck around. ;)

I like to see if I can have 2 hangovers in the same day...

[Spider Monkey]

I like to see if I can have 2 hangovers in the same day...

It takes a LOT of work to get drunk the second time.


Or so I've been told.

[SAD]

It takes a LOT of work to get drunk the second time.


Or so I've been told.

I consider it a challenge.

[J31Bro]

Easily done.

[jip]

:wat: I stick to 10.5 err day of the week just to make sure I'm super healthy.

:hi5:

Drinking my health scotch right fuckin' now

[UCP]

Nigga, I requested that.

FUCK YOU!

[Spider Monkey]

Nigga, I requested that.

FUCK YOU!

My bad bb. I'll make it up to you.

[IamDeMan]

Sorry I'm late this week. DeMan, as requested, this one is just for you!



Beer: the next health drink?

Sometimes, beer loves us back too: Studies have suggested that, when consumed in moderation, beer has many health benefits.

For instance, moderate amounts of alcohol may be good for the heart. An Emory University study involving over 2,200 elderly men and women discovered that those who consumed at least 1.5 drinks daily had up to a 50% lesser risk of suffering from heart failure. Another study conducted by Germany, France and the United Kingdom found that moderate consumption of beer or wine may have anti-inflammatory properties, which can lower the risk coronary heart disease. The French, who drink lots of red wine and have the highest per capita alcohol consumption, actually have one of the lowest rates of coronary heart disease mortality.

Beer can also be good for your brain. Using an MRI, a Boston scientist discovered that light drinkers (one to six drinks a week) to moderate drinkers (seven to 14 drinks a week) have fewer strokes than nondrinkers -- probably because of alcohol's effect in thinning the blood and preventing the formation of tiny blood clots in the brain. Note, however, that although heavy drinkers (more than 15 drinks a week) have the least amount of strokes, they also suffer the most atrophy or wasting of brain tissues.

Moderate amounts of alcohol can also help reduce stress, decrease anxiety and self-consciousness, and improve your mood. Beer in particular has plenty of nutrients, such as protein, B vitamins, phosphorus, magnesium, selenium, iron, niacin, and riboflavin.

While this is nice and appreciated, I requested some reflection on the proposed nutrition label reforms for dummies. Will definitely commit this one to memory though.

[Spider Monkey]

I requested some reflection on the proposed nutrition label reforms for dummies.

That might be a little too complicated for this crowd bro.

[UCP]

I'm interested.

[Spider Monkey]

Stay Healthy Through the Holidays



During the holiday season it is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of working, shopping, baking holiday goodies, wrapping gifts, etc. You often leave little time for yourself to relax and be healthy. This added stress can weaken your immune system at a time when we really want and need to stay healthy.

Here is a list of things to remember this holiday season so you don-t become run down and sick:

•Get a flu shot
•Take time to de-stress (deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, exercise)
•Get plenty of sleep
•Wash your hands
•Provide paper towels in the bathroom when hosting guests

[bluecar]

This is common sense.

[Spider Monkey]

This is common sense.

Everything I've posted in this thread should be common sense. Fortunately I come off as brilliant because the majority is retarded.

[UCP]

Flu shot? Fuck that conspiracy.

[SAD]

Flu shot? Fuck that conspiracy.

^.

[IamDeMan]

^.

.

[DUSSIN]

Flu shot? Fuck that conspiracy.

^.

.

concur.

[Spider Monkey]

Yes, I don't either. But it is recommended by those with needles.

[Spider Monkey]

Think Before You Drink

How about a peppermint latte or peppermint mocha? Eggnog anyone? Maybe your holiday favorite is a chocolate martini or hot buttered rum?

Know the numbers. Before you order a specialty drink check out the nutrition information.

A 16 oz. White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha (with 2% milk) can contain as many as 540 calories and 76 grams of sugar. Although fat-free milk may help with fat and calories, the amount of added sugar will still be high.

Hot Buttered Rum can have over 300 calories and 13 grams of fat.

Eggnog, a holiday favorite, can have between 250-300 calories, 8-17 grams of fat (with half of that being an artery clogging saturated fat), and 90-150 mg of cholesterol for an 8 oz. serving. That will all vary based on brand and whether or not it is light or regular. Check your local grocery store for "fat-free" eggnog.

To help keep your calorie intake through beverages down, choose water most often. If you want to take part in some of the holiday specialty beverages, do so in moderation. Maybe once a week you allow yourself a small hot chocolate made with fat-free milk and a hint of peppermint.

[IamDeMan]

Vodka, shaken/chilled, poured into martini glass, olive garnish.

Repeat

[Pootie]

Yes, I don't either. But it is recommended by those with needles.

So was smoking at one point and you see how that turned out.

More Doctors Smoke Camels Than Any Other Cigarette - YouTube

[jip]

If someone brings up that ridiculous 'innoculations cause autism' myth ITT, I might just slap a bitch.

Probably RB, so .. you know .. go ahead.

[Spider Monkey]

If someone brings up that ridiculous 'innoculations cause autism' myth ITT, I might just slap a bitch.

Probably RB, so .. you know .. go ahead.

You know damn straight that I will also have that handled if and when it happens.

[IamDeMan]

Needles cause autism yo.

[Spider Monkey]

Needles cause autism yo.

Lol

[bluecar]

You should email your suggestions to Frank Gore.

[jip]

You know damn straight that I will also have that handled if and when it happens.

Oh, I know .. whoever gets there first, amirite?

Needles cause autism yo.

You mom causes autism.

[atoz350]

You mom causes autism.

Bro, he may lactate, but he has never had a child.

[jip]

Bro, he may lactate, but he has never had a child.

Damn it .. lost an 'r'

[UCP]

A martini should have Gin, Vermouth, and olives.

I'm good.

[Porch Monkey]

CLEVELAND (AP) — An Ohio third-grader who weighs more than 200 pounds has been taken from his family and placed into foster care after county social workers said his mother wasn't doing enough to control his weight.


The Plain Dealer reports ( bit.ly/t68M7D (http://bit.ly/t68M7D)) that the Cleveland 8-year-old is considered severely obese and at risk for such diseases as diabetes and hypertension.


The case is the first state officials can recall of a child being put in foster care strictly for a weight-related issue.


Lawyers for the mother say the county overreached when authorities took the boy last week. They say the medical problems he is at risk for do not yet pose an imminent danger.


A spokeswoman says the county removed the child because caseworkers saw his mother's inability to reduce his weight as medical neglect.
———
Information from: The Plain Dealer, www.cleveland.com (http://www.cleveland.com/)

[UCP]

Good, unfit mother is unfit.

BOOM.

[HHRLisa]

Damn, Kid weighs 4 times what he should weigh.

They say the medical problems he is at risk for do not yet pose an imminent danger.

Bullshit. Kid is gonna die of a heart attack at 12.

[Spider Monkey]

Damn, Kid weighs 4 times what he should weigh.



Bullshit. Kid is gonna die of a heart attack at 12.

12 is not imminent.

[HHRLisa]

12 is not imminent.

If he continues gaining weight the way he is he could weight anywhere from 350 to 400 lbs by the time he is 12. I consider that a problem.

[Spider Monkey]

If he continues gaining weight the way he is he could weight anywhere from 350 to 400 lbs by the time he is 12. I consider that a problem.

That is fine. May in 3 years it will be imminent. Right now it is not.

[HHRLisa]

That is fine. May in 3 years it will be imminent. Right now it is not.

I disagree.

[Spider Monkey]

I disagree.

Disagreeing with definitions. Excellent Lisa. The world is flat too.

[HHRLisa]

Disagreeing with definitions. Excellent Lisa. The world is flat too.

I disagree not because of definition, but because I feel his weight is a serious problem that needs to be dealt with immediately.

[Spider Monkey]

I disagree not because of definition, but because I feel his weight is a serious problem that needs to be dealt with immediately.

It is, there is no question.

The danger is however not imminent if it is 4 years away.

[HHRLisa]

It is, there is no question.

The danger is however not imminent if it is 4 years away.

A heart attack may be 4 years out but bad joints, poor health, diabeetus are all more imminent.

[Spider Monkey]

A heart attack may be 4 years out but bad joints, poor health, diabeetus are all more imminent.

Now you're just making shit up. The discussion was about a heart attack.

[HHRLisa]

Now you're just making shit up. The discussion was about a heart attack.

The discussion is about whether or not that kids weight poses an imminent health risk.

[Spider Monkey]

Of a heart attack 4 years away.

[HHRLisa]

Of a heart attack 4 years away.

To me four years is imminent in a childs life.

[Spider Monkey]

To me four years is imminent in a childs life.

Yea, but you're kind of retarded.

[Porch Monkey]

http://www.zerohedge.com/sites/default/files/images/user5/imageroot/2011/10/full_retard.jpg

[Pootie]

Yea, but you're kind of retarded.

And Boom goes the Dynamite!

[HHRLisa]

Yea, but you're kind of retarded.

Just because we don't agree does not mean I'm retarded.

[Spider Monkey]

Just because we don't agree does not mean I'm retarded.

You're not disagreeing with me. You're disagreeing with fact. That's extreme retardation.

[jip]

Definition of IMMINENT
: ready to take place; especially : hanging threateningly over one's head <was in imminent danger of being run over>

Imminent never refers to something that could happen in years .. or months .. or even days away.

Children do not affect the definition of a word.

So, SM is correct. Mostly. The child is not in imminent danger of a heart attack.

HOWEVER, the discussion is not just about heart attacks.

The Plain Dealer reports ( bit.ly/t68M7D) that the Cleveland 8-year-old is considered severely obese and at risk for such diseases as diabetes and hypertension.

...


Lawyers for the mother say the county overreached when authorities took the boy last week. They say the medical problems he is at risk for do not yet pose an imminent danger.

One may argue that the child is in imminent danger of becoming diabetic (if he isn't already) and the child's weight certainly is affecting his development. Thus, one can use the word 'imminent' in this discussion.

So, Lisa is also correct.

But you're both fucking stupid to be debating semantics on the internet.














That's my job. Bitches.

[Spider Monkey]

HOWEVER, the discussion is not just about heart attacks.

Incorrect. Lisa started the discussion I was having, not the article.


debating semantics on the internet.

Well it is either that, or debating cell phones, and that's what I call stupid.

[HHRLisa]

Incorrect. Lisa started the discussion I was having, not the article.




Well it is either that, or debating cell phones, and that's what I call stupid.

I never once said a heart attack was imminent. I said he was going to have one by 12 yes. But I never once stated that a heart attack was an imminent problem. Just that his weight was.

[Spider Monkey]

I never once said a heart attack was imminent. I said he was going to have one by 12 yes. But I never once stated that a heart attack was an imminent problem. Just that his weight was.

You just did it again.

[jip]

Well it is either that, or debating cell phones, and that's what I call stupid.

I concede.

[Porch Monkey]

in for penis measuring contest

[Spider Monkey]

Lisa would win.

[Spider Monkey]

Focus on Fruits and Vegetables Through the Holidays

The holiday season is a time of family, fun and food. Keep things simple when planning for holiday gatherings. Bring a fruit or vegetable tray to the office party. Make a unique, healthy vegetable side dish or plan a fun, fancy dessert with fruit. There are plenty of great non-traditional dishes that can be made into a new tradition for your family

[jip]

Bring a fruit or vegetable tray to the office party.

I brought a bottle of scotch.


Close enough?

[Spider Monkey]

I brought a bottle of scotch.


Close enough?

Spot on for my office party.

[jip]

:hi5:

[IamDeMan]

Just because we don't agree does not mean I'm retarded.

Yes it does. The danger is not imminent you fucking dumb broad. You cannot redefine words and/or twist the real subject to fit your retard thinking.

[HHRLisa]

Yes it does. The danger is not imminent you fucking dumb broad. You cannot redefine words and/or twist the real subject to fit your retard thinking.

I can do what ever I want.

[Spider Monkey]

I can do what ever I want.

Bet you can't.

[jip]

I can do what ever I want.

Be happy and content with your life.

[HHRLisa]

Be happy and content with your life.

That is exactly what I am doing.

[jip]

Good.

Keep it up.

You've only got another .. 30 years? or so to maintain that attitude.

[HHRLisa]

Good.

Keep it up.

You've only got another .. 30 years? or so to maintain that attitude.

So 55 is my deadline? Idts

[jip]

So 55 is my deadline? Idts

If you want to live longer, take better care of your health. :fyi:

[HHRLisa]

If you want to live longer, take better care of your health. :fyi:

I have been, silly.

[soraiden]

I have been silly.

You have been silly with your health?

[Porch Monkey]

now you're being silly

[soraiden]

silly willy

[HHRLisa]

Damn lack of comma.

[jip]

I have been, silly.

Let me know when you are no longer fat, and I will happily agree.

[Porch Monkey]

you silly goose

[IamDeMan]

goose you silly

[atoz350]

Let me know when you are no longer fat, and I will happily agree.

She's nine months before she is nine months bro.

[jip]

She's nine months before she is nine months bro.

for some reason, when I first read that I thought that you were implying that she was going to eat her baby.





I do not know why.

[SAD]

Let me know when you are no longer fat, and I will happily agree.

I am not fat.. And I am FAR from healthy :crap: