~~Joke Thread~~

[Tiger Bass]

A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he could have
condoms for his 12 year old daughter.. the pharmacist replied, "YOUR 12
YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS SEXUALLY ACTIVE?!"

The man answered, "Not really.. she kind of just lays there like her mother.."

[Tiger Bass]

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."

Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.

Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."

Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

Boy says "It's a pussy willow."

Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."

[Spider Monkey]

Oh Mai

[Spider Monkey]

lel at the second one

[Tiger Bass]

Flip and his girlfriend are on the brink of breaking up so they visit a counselor. The counselor asks his girlfriend what is the problem.
She responds " He suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to Flip and inquires "Is that true?"
Flip replies "Well not exactly, it’s her that suffers not me."

[Rashaddd]

lol

[hoss]

laeioul

[Pop Da Hatch]

laullerskates.

[Tiger Bass]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

[Tiger Bass]

Doctor Dave is sitting in his surgery after hours one night thinking about his encounter with a patient the week before. He pictures an angel on his right shoulder and a devil on his left as he looks in the mirror.

The devil is saying "Dave mate, don’t worry about it you wont be the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you certainly wont be the last"

Then the angel pipes up "for fuck sake Dave, you’re a vet!!!"

[dman4486]

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Chips and beer."

[bunkerking09]

Do you work at subway?

Cause you just gave me a footlong

[evildave101]

why do girls wear makeup and perfume?































because they're ugly and they stink

[wasted ink]

I don't get it.

[Spider Monkey]

I don't get it.

Wanna know how I know you're gay?

[wasted ink]

Wanna know how I know you're gay?

I don't get it.

[tEh koRnDog]

Wanna know how I know you're gay?

He has a rainbow bumper sticker that says hes gay?

[wasted ink]

He has a rainbow bumper sticker that says hes gay?

HAY! Who put that there?!

[Spider Monkey]

I don't get it.

You don't get it.

[wasted ink]

You don't get it.

:crap:

[tapout]

Wal-Mart Husband Store
A Wal-Mart store that sells husbands has just
opened in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go -
to choose a husband from among many men.
Among the instructions at the entrance, is a
description of how the store operates.


There are only 6 floors. It states that the attributes
of the men increase as the shopper ascends the
flights. There is, however, a catch....

As you open the door to any floor, you may choose
any man from that floor, but if you go up a floor,
you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Wal-Mart Husband Store
to find a husband......
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead
gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth
floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists
solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

[tapout]

CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: ma n with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is ri ght, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

[tapout]

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we are in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No." She answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
Yes." She replied.
Then I said, " I'd like to phone a friend."

[tapout]

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of
minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest
in high-powered vacuum cleaners."


"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she
proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his
foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my
demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of
horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse
manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a
good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

[tapout]

Subject: Hormones
>
>The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a
>man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his
own
>hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
>license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
>other!!
>
> DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
> SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
> SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
> DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
> SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
> SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
> DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
> SAFER: What did I do wrong?
> SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
> DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
> SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
> SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
> DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
> SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
> SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
> ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
>
> 13 Things PMS Stands For:
> 1. Pass My Shotgun
> 2. Psychotic Mood Shift
> 3. Perpetual Munching Spree
> 4. Puffy Mid-Section
> 5. People Make me Sick
> 6. Provide Me with Sweets
> 7. Pardon My Sobbing
> 8. Pimples May Surface
> 9. Pass My Sweatpants
> 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
> 11. Plainly; Men Suck
> 12. Pack My Stuff........And my favorite one...
> 13. Potential Murder Suspect
>
> Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who
might
>need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money
>talks...but chocolate sings.
>
> Another thing to giggle about... My husband, not happy with
my
>mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able
to
>monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in
>a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time
>he'll buy me diamonds. Here have some chocolate.

[tapout]

> Blonde's Year in Review:
>
>
>
> January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
>
>
>
> February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
> labels....."duh"....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
>
>
>
> March - Got excited. ...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box
> said "2-4 years!"
>
>
>
> April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
>
>
>
> May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into
those
> little packets!!!
>
>
>
> June - Tried to go water skiing....couldn't find a lake with a
slope.
>
>
>
> July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
> other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
>
>
>
> August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped,
because
> top was down.
>
>
>
> September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
>
>
>
> October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
>
>
>
> November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 > days.....instructions said 1
hour
> per pound and I weigh 108!!!
>
>
>
> December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven"
button
> on the phone!!!

[funkyab]

Black Man Needs To Borrow $5,000
------------------

A well-dressed Black Man walks into a prestigious

private bank in midtown Manhattan and asks for the loan

officer who politely tries to direct him to a more

commercial establishment.

The Black Man says he's going to Europe on business for

two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The loan officer

says the bank will need some kind of security for the

loan, so the Black Man hands over the keys to a new

Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of

the bank. He has all the papers including the title and

everything checks out.



The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the

loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the

Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it

there. The news quickly spreads throughout the bank and

over lunch, the bank's president and its officers all

enjoy a good laugh at the dumb "N-word's" expense for

using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000

loan.



Two weeks later, the Black Man returns, repays the

$5,000 and the interest, which comes to $20.41. The loan

officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and

this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are

a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you

out and found that you are a multimillionaire.



What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow

$5,000?


The Black Man smiled and then replied; "Where else in

New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only

$20.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

[wasted ink]

What does Obama stand for?


































One Bad Ass Mistake America!

[funkyab]

What does Obama stand for?
One Bad Ass Mistake America!

Stupid.. :monkey2:

[joetama]

Stupid.. :monkey2:


I laughed.

[Spider Monkey]

What does Obama stand for?


































One Bad Ass Mistake America!
LAWLZ

[willyg4444]

A friend told me this one:

Why did God invent yeast infections?
So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt

[shaneb]

Stupid.. :monkey2:

I laughed.

and agreed

[hoss]

A friend told me this one:

Why did God invent yeast infections?
So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt

laeioul

[dman4486]

I am by no means religious....

what did god say when he made the first black man?






dammit I burnt one:dance:

[wasted ink]

I am by no means religious....

what did god say when he made the first black man?






dammit I burnt one:dance:

:laugh::laugh:

[hoss]

Would have been funnier if he said something like "where did my wallet go?"

[dman4486]

Would have been funnier if he said something like "where did my wallet go?"

maybe, but the bible quoted him saying "dammit I burnt one"(GOD):fyi:

[hoss]

that is a made up story book anyways...

[dman4486]

that is a made up story book anyways...

:duh:

[willyg4444]

Redneck jokes anyone?

What do a Redneck divorcee and a Tornado have in common? -- either way, you're gonna lose your trailer...



A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to
the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"



Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

“What’s logic?” the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”

“I sure do.”

“Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,” replied the professor.

“That’s real good!” said the redneck.

The professor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house.”

Impressed, the redneck said, “Amazing!”

“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”

“That’s Betty Mae! This is incredible!”

The redneck was catching on.

“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.

“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard! I cain’t wait to take that logic class!”

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

“So what classes are ya takin’?” asked the friend.

“Math, history, and logic!” replied the first redneck.

“What in tarnation is logic?” asked his friend.

“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?” asked the first redneck.

“No,” his friend replied.

“You’re queer, ain’t ya?”

[wasted ink]

that is a made up story book anyways...

:fu:

[wasted ink]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a Sperm count as part
> of
> his physical exam.
>
> The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back
> a
> semen sample tomorrow.'
>
> The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's office and
> gave
> him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
>
> The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's
> like
> this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.... Then I tried with
> my
> left hand, but still nothing.
>
> 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with
> her
> left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in,
> then
> with her teeth out, still nothing.
>
> 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first
> with
> both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her
> knees, but still nothing.'
>
> The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
>
> The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

[hoss]

Mike tyson and Jesse jackson were going to the vatican one day to visit with the Pope. Once they got there they were seated on a bench to wait for the Pope to come out and see them.

While they were waiting, Mike tyson reaches into his coat closet, and pulls out a bag of roasted peanuts. He tears the bag open, reaches in, pulls out a peanut, and proceeds to crack it open. He eats the peanuts, and chucks the shell on the ground. Jesse is looking at him like he is crazy, but says nothing while Mike Tyson proceeds to eat the whole bag of peanuts. Once the bag is empty, Mike crumples the bag up and throws it on the ground.

Not 10 seconds after the bag hits the ground, the doors fling open, and out comes the pope walking like he is on a mission. Jesse and Mike spring up to meet him, Jesse goes to the pope to shake his hand and introduce himself, but the pope shoves him out of his way. The Pope then goes up to Mike tyson who is standing arms by his side, The pope then goes through the motions of pointing to his forehead, then his chest, then each shoulder, and then abruptly walks past the two.

After he is gone, Jesse Jackson is appaled and speaks his displeasure to Mike Tyson, "I dont understand this" he says. "I am a political figure, a preacher, and an upstanding figure in society, and the Pope blew right past me. But he goes to you, a convicted felon and he blesses you..." Mike Tyson responds, "No, he didnt bless me. He said get your black ass, those peanuts, that other nigger and get the hell out!"

[hoss]

Its probably better if you can see the hand motions...

[Pootie]

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. Can of coffee, and

A 1 lb. Package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed a single female. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusuall about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

[ma5terta]

how you fit 100 jews in a car?








in the ashtray

[ma5terta]

how do you make copper wire?













put a penny between two jew

[evildave101]

how you fit 100 jews in a car?








in the ashtray

i allways heard it as "how do you fit 100 jews in a volkswagen?"

[evildave101]

whats the diffrence between a jew and a pizza?










pizza dont scream in the oven.

[Native homie]

A vampire is dying and asks god in the next life can i be white with wings and still suck blood..so god turns the vampire into a kotex tampon.

[willyg4444]

A vampire is dying and asks god in the next life can i be white with wings and still suck blood..so god turns the vampire into a kotex tampon.

heh Predictable... and tampons aren't living so how can that be his next life. :bootyshake:

Welcome to the forum though :)

[evildave101]

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.




The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of

Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin,

Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.




Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:

MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

[Captain Ahab]

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. Can of coffee, and

A 1 lb. Package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed a single female. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusuall about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

My favorite one.
:laugh:

[_AnGeL_]

:lol: @ the one DH quoted

[hoss]

A young guy from Wisconsin moved to Florida and went to a big everything-under-one-roof department store/marine-sales/auto-dealership/etc. looking for a job.

The Manager said, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid said 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin .'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid said, 'One.'

The boss said, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid said, '$101,237.65.'

The boss said, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'

The kid said, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Ford Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing...

[evildave101]

why does a chicken coop have two doors?











because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan

[slim8605]

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.. The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?' The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it..' 'Your wasting your time,' said the boy. 'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled. 'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.

[slim8605]

"What's a Mexican's favorite sport?"

-No, not Soccer. Cross Country.

[slim8605]

an old man sitting on his porch sees a kid walking down the street with a roll of duct tape one morning. he says to the kid, "what you doin with all that duct tape boy?". the kid replies, "im gonna catch some ducks." the old man shakes his head and the kid goes on his way. later that day the old man sees the kid again with a bunch of ducks stuck to his duct tape.
the next morning the old man sees the kid again this time with chicken wire. the old man again asks the boy whats hes going to do with the chicken wire. of course the boy is going to go catch chickens. the old man shakes his head and the boy continues on. later that day the old man sees the boy with a bunch of chickens stuck to the chicken wire. the old man is puzzled.
the next morning the old man sees the boy with a branch from a pussy-willow. the old man says hold on im getting my hat.

[slim8605]

Besides arms and legs, what on a white guy is longer than 4 inches?

Absolutely nothing!

[Twistedchild420]

For All those Men who say "Why Marry the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here is an update: 80% of women are now against marriage, why? Because they realize it's not worth buying the entire pig for just a little sausage!

[rangerbabe]

A Mexican, an Arab,
and a Mississippi girl are
in the same bar.
When the Mexican
finishes his beer,
he throws his glass
in the air, pulls out
his pistol, and shoots
the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico ,
our glasses are so
cheap we don't need
to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously
impressed by this,
drinks non-alcohol beer
(cuz he's a muslim!),
throws it into the
air, pulls out his
AK-47, and shoots
the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the
Arab World, we have
so much sand to make
glasses that we don't
need to drink with
the same one twice either.'
The Mississippi girl,
cool as a cucumber,
picks up her beer,
downs it in one gulp,
throws the glass into
the air, whips out her
45, and shoots the
Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass,
setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,
she says,
'In Mississippi ,
we have so many
illegal aliens that
we don't have to
drink with the same ones twice.'

[Superlifted06FX4]

A Mexican, an Arab,
and a Mississippi girl are
in the same bar.
When the Mexican
finishes his beer,
he throws his glass
in the air, pulls out
his pistol, and shoots
the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico ,
our glasses are so
cheap we don't need
to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously
impressed by this,
drinks non-alcohol beer
(cuz he's a muslim!),
throws it into the
air, pulls out his
AK-47, and shoots
the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the
Arab World, we have
so much sand to make
glasses that we don't
need to drink with
the same one twice either.'
The Mississippi girl,
cool as a cucumber,
picks up her beer,
downs it in one gulp,
throws the glass into
the air, whips out her
45, and shoots the
Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass,
setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,
she says,
'In Mississippi ,
we have so many
illegal aliens that
we don't have to
drink with the same ones twice.'

Raped

[atoz350]

an old man sitting on his porch sees a kid walking down the street with a roll of duct tape one morning. he says to the kid, "what you doin with all that duct tape boy?". the kid replies, "im gonna catch some ducks." the old man shakes his head and the kid goes on his way. later that day the old man sees the kid again with a bunch of ducks stuck to his duct tape.
the next morning the old man sees the kid again this time with chicken wire. the old man again asks the boy whats hes going to do with the chicken wire. of course the boy is going to go catch chickens. the old man shakes his head and the boy continues on. later that day the old man sees the boy with a bunch of chickens stuck to the chicken wire. the old man is puzzled.
the next morning the old man sees the boy with a branch from a pussy-willow. the old man says hold on im getting my hat.

repost

[jesus]

repost

X2

But then again it does involve racism and profiling so she probably couldn't help herself.

[traksta15]

what do you call 1 black guy being chased by 300 white guys?





the pga tour
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl wrote to Sarah Palin asking, "How did the human race start?". Sarah Palin answered, "God made Adam and Eve, they had children and all mankind was made."

THe next day the little girl wrote to michelle obama and asked the same question. Michelle obama answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys in africa from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl went to her father and asked, "How come Sarah Palin told me that mankind was created by God, and michelle obama told me mankind evolved from monkeys?"

Her father answeres, "Well, it's very simple . . . Sarah Palin told you about her ancestors, and michelle obama told you about hers!"
~~~~~~~~

If Whites and blacks had a war, what would it be called?





KKK vs KFC!
~~~~~~~~~

What's the most common pickup line in a gay bar?





May I push your stool in?
~~~~~~~~

How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?





The hotdogs taste like shit!
~~~~~~~~~

What's the first symptom of AIDS?




A sharp, stabbing pain in your rectum

[90lac]

A Mexican, an Arab,
and a Mississippi girl are
in the same bar.
When the Mexican
finishes his beer,
he throws his glass
in the air, pulls out
his pistol, and shoots
the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico ,
our glasses are so
cheap we don't need
to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously
impressed by this,
drinks non-alcohol beer
(cuz he's a muslim!),
throws it into the
air, pulls out his
AK-47, and shoots
the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the
Arab World, we have
so much sand to make
glasses that we don't
need to drink with
the same one twice either.'
The Mississippi girl,
cool as a cucumber,
picks up her beer,
downs it in one gulp,
throws the glass into
the air, whips out her
45, and shoots the
Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass,
setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,
she says,
'In Mississippi ,
we have so many
illegal aliens that
we don't have to
drink with the same ones twice.'

+1 when i can

[TXC]

your penis